Making my way back home

We spent almost a full week away with family. And it’s the first time in a VERY long time I didn’t work multiple days on the vacation, and I felt present. Yes, I did a few small maintenance things like taking a call, answered a few emails, checked messages on social (thoughts on the threads launch?), and wrote down some notes to myself. But everything else was able to be on hold. And I felt calm.

I don’t know if it’s the overachiever, need to be productive to feel good, part of me that keeps me checking off things on the to do list when I’m out of office. Or maybe it’s the mom part of me, trying to make sure everyone is taken care of and thinking a few steps ahead. But vacations and trips are usually hard. Because it’s just parenting in a different place while you are off routines, and in the world of remote it’s even harder to shut off the competing priorities of the multiple jobs I hold during family time.

I made a commitment this year to be whole. In a phase of life where my day jobs take up a lot of my waking hours, I am parenting two young kids with Matt, trying to keep up with volunteer roles, and after the kids go to bed (and on weekends) I’m running this small business. It’s not a glamorous phase, it’s a grind. I know the first few years of parenting require a lot, and the first few years of running a small business are hard. And I am learning and growing in so many ways.

This week’s learning gift was a big recognition that my consistency and congruence are a little off right now, as it relates to being whole. I’ve been skipping meals, missing movement, putting important self things on the back burner for more pressing issues. I got to reflect more on what I value and what I need to work on in my daily routine to build back some of positive habits, so I can feel more whole everyday. Not just on vacation.

This lesson is one I teach often to college students, and I think I love teaching it because I always need to hear it. It’s easy to slid into patterns because of fatigue or being out of flow. And by doing a quick self inventory, of where you are and where you want to be, you can identify the gap and build back your action plan.

In the dead of summer, I am in the fall and winter planning phase right now. For my multiple roles at the university, starting a kindergartner at school with adjusted schedules, for the upcoming line up of candles and candle pour bars, plus a special project I am not ready to talk about yet (but will be debuting in fall). I could feel overwhelmed returning home to the to do list. But after I unpacked and we got the kids down for much needed naps, I had a choice. Make some candles during the precious nap time and do an inventory of everything I needed to catch up on. Or do something for myself.

I lit a candle and took a bath, with epson salts. My go to self care ritual, as I can stare at the flame and find stillness. That bath was the official end of vacation and returning home moment, filled with gratitude and a desire to reset. During the week away from home I was able to be present daily with little worries outside of the moment I was in. And I need more of that.

So I made my way back home with more awareness. And an understanding what I need to adjust to take action so I am living my fullest each day, building in the habits again that make me whole. And I am going to add in something new. I took a step back on in person markets this year as a way to get back some more time, and now I am committing to having one day a week on hold just for family, play, home life, and relaxation. This will be an adjustment. I know it’ll be challenging and I may need some accountability to make it a habit. But it’s an adjustment that’s needed in this phase.

I pride myself on being responsible and dependable to others. I try to respond quickly on email, social, and do things for others first. So if you notice a slight delay from me, especially if it’s on a Saturday or Sunday, just know that I am trying my best to hold space for being whole. I will get back to you. I appreciate you. And I’m trying to appreciate me.